02.

October 22, 2009

i am having (silly, preposterous) anxiety thoughts about The Boy I Like (the Boy) catching me scribbling in my notebook and somehow, awkwardly, A PROPOS OF NOTHING previously said in this imaginary conversation, announcing that he cannot possibly read my (stupid, pathetic, ANONYMOUS) blog because he is in it. somehow, this is what is going to ruin our (nonexistent, not-even-nascent) relationship.

jesus, mary and joseph and all the dour saints in heaven wept. i am that batshit crazy.


01.

October 20, 2009

there is a Flaming Tree on the same side of the street as The Place I Work (the Place). today i turned my head to watch the Tree glow as the sunset shone through it. i like fall because of what it does to the trees and the chill. it rained all this weekend, but i rode anyway and enjoyed being damp and brisk.

The Boy I Like (the Boy) left the Place 15 minutes after me, but caught the same bus. i pretended not to notice as he came up from behind, but i did. he wears a pea coat; it looks almost too good, too j. crew perfect against his tall blondness, like he should be a whaler or something.

i came close to tears alot today. i am sad and lonely. i miss My Bird and i am so tired of looking for Real Meaningful Work. i mean, the Place is fine and not too demanding and they pay me. i won’t starve if i stay at the Place, it’s safe. but here – here home, here D.C., HERE – i will die if i stay.